by Anonymous_181027
[Originally written during the September 2018 Kavanaugh confirmation hearings.]
Back in the day, I was sexually assaulted in a college dorm room while I was completely unconscious.
I woke up, not even knowing that I was sexually assaulted and I did not find out until about two months later because I miscarried a child that I didn’t know I had since I thought I DID NOT HAVE SEX DURING THOSE TWO MONTHS.
I confronted him because I knew it was sexual assault, but he was so manipulative that he led to me to believe that it was completely consensual and that we loved each other.
I did not have the chance to report the incident because I knew it wouldn’t have gone anywhere because I found out two months too late so there was no proof, and I continued to date him for another month because I was completely brainwashed.
During health class shortly after, we had a BIG lesson on sexual assault and they taught us the three main rules of consent which were voluntary, verbal, and sober. It finally hit me that you might be in love with the person, but that doesn’t matter if they RAPED you. They did not have “drunk sex” with your unconscious body. They RAPED your unconscious body.
The other night, I was with a boy I have been seeing for about a month now and he knows that I have been sexually assaulted before. Since I’m a legal studies major, I like to talk about politics a lot, and Kavanaugh is the talk of the town right now. I thought this wouldn’t be a bad topic because he knows what I’ve been through… APPARENTLY HE DIDN’T CARE.
He proceeded to say that “the woman who came forward had no right to do so since it has been so long, and if it was such a problem, she should’ve reported it then instead of ruining his life later on. Someone should not be held to their mistakes forever.”
I burst into tears damn near immediately since he knew DAMN GOOD AND WELL I didn’t report my incident. But if the boy who RAPED me was about to be in a position of power on the SUPREME FUCKING COURT OF THE UNITED STATES, you bet your ass I would be telling people right then and there! I also believe that rape is not a mistake. It is a conscious act that you make.
You can absolutely regret raping someone for the rest of your life, like you would any other mistake, but you should pay for the actions of sexual assault. Just because you got away with it while you were fifteen, doesn’t mean that you can avoid it for the rest of your life. You broke the person you assaulted mentally, physically, and emotionally while NOTHING happens to you. What about the victims? What about US?
We go through PTSD and clinical depression after. We can’t trust anyone for a while after and sex is not the same for a long time. I still cry in the middle of sex for no reason sometimes and it has been THREE YEARS. How come I am stuck with all these new found psychological issues while my attacker is not affected in the slightest? How is it fair that his life is fine and my life fell apart?
Kavanaugh potentially being on the Supreme Court is not easy to watch for people who have been sexually assaulted. Trump being elected president hasn’t been easy to watch for people who have been sexually assaulted. By electing this man and confirming the other, everyone is basically saying a big “fuck you” to the victims of sexual assault. We are sitting here blaming ourselves for what happened and watching our attackers live their lives like nothing happened.
The woman who was sexually grabbed by Trump? She had to watch him become president. Or how about Paula Jones? The woman who rejected Clinton’s unwanted sexual advances toward her and almost lost her job over it? She also had to watch him stay in his position of power as president. The WOMEN who have stepped forward about Kavanaugh? Might [at time of writing] have to watch him sit on the Supreme Court.
My attacker? Now has a family and a baby.
What is currently happening in politics at this moment is hard for ANYONE who has ever been sexually assaulted, both men and women. IT IS EXCRUCIATING AND MENTALLY DRAINING. My depression and anxiety has gotten worse just from seeing the Kavanaugh confirmation continue to happen.
Yes, the Kavanaugh nomination has nothing to do with me, but at the same time is has EVERYTHING to do with me. It has EVERYTHING to do with ANYONE who has ever been victimized.
Long story short, I am no longer seeing the person I’ve been dating for a month because I don’t need a man who thinks that someone doesn’t deserve to be punished for sexually assaulting someone just because they didn’t get caught.
Published as written with light proofreading, formatting, and line break adjustment.
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