by Jasmine
If two people are diagnosed with cancer, and person A has stage 1 cancer while person B has stage 3, we still acknowledge person A has fucking cancer. Yet when someone is assaulted and not raped, so many won’t acknowledge it as sexual assault. I am so tired of the “shades” of sexual assault, insinuating that a “mild” assault isn’t a big deal. I am even more exhausted by how effective it has been in silencing women and causing them to question the veracity of their assault, including myself.
I was assaulted by a cook where I work. A guy that I joked around with at work and was friendly with because I thought he was a nice and friendly guy.
He knew I was in a committed relationship. He knew I wasn’t attracted to him. He knew I was not interested, and I know I made this crystal clear.
So when he asked me if he could have a hug one day I said sure… because I love hugs. It didn’t even cross my mind that as soon as he “embraced” me he would pin me against a wall and run his hands up and down my thighs and shove his tongue in my mouth, while I squirmed in silent shock trying to get out of his hold. He pinched my ass as I shoved him off of me, and I will never forget the look of conquest on his face as he licked his lips while I bolted out of the room. He was fucking proud of himself – that much was obvious.
My first thoughts after it happened: Why did I let him hug me? Why didn't I push him away faster? Did I send him the wrong the message when I laughed at his sexual jokes in the past?
Then I started to say to myself: Calm down, it was an unwanted kiss, he touched you on top of your clothes, that’s all. He didn’t rape you, you're fine, nothing really bad happened. It was just an uncomfortable moment.
And the worst part is that when I told people about it, almost everyone reiterated the same things I thought to myself: “It wasn’t like he raped you. Stuff like that happens in restaurants. You'll be fine. I think you're overreacting.”
I didn’t tell my boss because I told myself it was just a misunderstanding, and I wasn’t going to get this guy fired over a “misunderstanding.” My boss found out somehow, and fired the cook because he is a man with damn morals and ethics, who didn’t want his staff to be victimized at work. When he fired him he told me I didn’t have anything to worry about anymore. He didn’t reference the assault, but I am sure he knew based on the way he stared at me when he said: “If anyone bothers you, come to me and I'll take care of it.”
It's been five years, and this past year is the first time I have acknowledged this for what it is: sexual assault. I was sexually assaulted and the fact that it could have been worse does not minimize my assault or how it affected me.
Published as written, with light proofreading, formatting, and line break adjustment.
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