I WAS CONCEIVED FROM RAPE

by Theresa

I am writing this after having watched Dr. Blasey Ford testimony a few weeks ago.

It was emotional for me, watching her expose her pain in front of the world.

When Brett Kavanaugh exploded his denial, I saw darkness in his eyes, and the anger inside of me surfaced.

Than unexpectedly my memories of sexual assault flooded within me.

I was conceived from rape. Born unwanted by both parents. My Mom was sixteen; she was raped by her boyfriend. She was forced to marry him.

He beat, raped and threw her down the stairs during her pregnancy. Somehow I hung on to dear life inside her belly.

Than one night my father came home drunk and he wanted to get laid. He tried to force himself on my Mom. She wasn't going to let him. She found the strength to push him away from her with her feet. She went into labour a few hours after.

I was born a month early, on a Friday, in 1954.

The first sexual assault experience happened when I was three weeks old. My father would lock himself in the bedroom while I was sleeping.

My Mom told me she couldn't understand why he would do that but didn't think any more of it.

The signs of sexual assault were there but no one noticed.

I cried and threw up a lot. I was labeled a "fussy baby."

Mom never thought her husband would sexually assault her daughter. "Fathers don't do that."

One day she came home to find me crying and naked on their bed with my hands and feet tied up with rope.

That's when she confronted her husband and decided the marriage was over.

This was the tip of the iceberg of exposure to sexual assault in my childhood.

I am finding the years and ages are mixing up. I remember the places where I was sexually assaulted. I have lost count of how many times I was sexually assaulted from 3 years old to 42 years old.

They went to their grave with what they did to me, as I live on with the memories, till it is my time to go to my grave.

Published as written, with light proofreading.