Because I haven’t given Insomnia an open invitation already… this time, the 2 am internal debate had me exploring the boundaries of my views, strength-testing the foundation of my morality. (And yeah, some Hamilton lyrics in there too. “I’mma compel him to include women in the sequel.” Werk.)
The events at the center of The Word for This depict the behavior of someone deeply threatened by women, and the failure by some of those same women to protect me from him. Given the not-accidental timing of personal and public events that led me here, my instincts draw me to the uprising of female energy powering this fight.
At the same time, survivors aren’t only cis-gendered, heterosexual women – just as those who commit assault, abuse, and other reprehensible acts aren’t necessarily cis hetero men. It was never a question that this platform would be open to survivors of all gender identities and sexual orientation, and to those who don’t identify with gender or sexuality at all. The first survivor to share their story with me here identifies as a bisexual male, in fact. And as I expected I would, I’m hearing from survivors of a variety of ethnicities, national origins, religions, socioeconomic status, etc.
But what about stories from women whose political views are conservative, or who support some of the “hims” being accused? Who affirmatively do not identify with “believe all women” ideology? Who disagree with the intent and direction of the #MeToo movement?
That’s the survivor who authored the second story I received.
Part of my grassroots work has involved reaching out via anonymous forums, connecting with survivors who’ve questioned (as I did) whether their story counts. As I quickly learned through our conversations, she wasn’t only asking whether what happened to her was sexual assault or abuse (it was). She was being vilified because of her political views.
As if that makes what someone did to her less horrifying.
As if she’s undeserving of compassion.
As if her voice doesn’t matter.
NO. I’m not okay with that, and it’s not how I’m going to do this. This site and project were the result of my desire to share my story on my own terms, and to help other survivors do the same. If I tell her she’s not worthy because she doesn’t think the way I do, what does that make me?
The latest novel from one of my favorite authors was Kindle-ready (at last) yesterday, and she tends to hit social justice issues with astoundingly prescient timing. One of her many gifts is digging into the minds of (and writing humanity into) characters "on the other side" of key moral, ethical, and legal debates. In a single sentence, she creates insight and empathy for those who hold positions opposite from my own, whose outlook and actions I may find reprehensible. And her work always reaches me exactly when I need it most – as it did last night.
I refuse to make acceptance, compassion, and love conditional. We all deserve better than that. We all deserve to be heard. It's that simple.
Much love,
Jess
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